I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
