Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
