some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
