I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
