I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
