1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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