Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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