I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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