I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
