this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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