quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
