mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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