Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
