I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
