my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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