I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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