He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
