"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
