i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
