Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
