You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
