Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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