life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
