You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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