From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And then my night got REAL pukey
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
