he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
