Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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