I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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