Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
