My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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