Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
