i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
