so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
