you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
