Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
