He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
