Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My vagina is very pro this idea
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
