Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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