Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
