this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
