Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
