We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
