Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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