I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
