Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
