remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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