Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
