Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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