TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
