i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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