I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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