some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
