Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
