The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
