I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
