My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
