I skipped work to stalk him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
